Year Seven – Ten Years of Motherhood

My seventh year of motherhood I wanted it ALL…I wanted the career, I wanted ME time, I wanted to be a great Mom.

I was traveling for work, every 5-6 weeks I would fly out and be gone for nearly a week. My husband and family held down the fort. The stress of worrying about what was going on and at home balanced with the exhilaration of being Carla again. I loved my work, I loved meeting with colleagues, going to restaurants and not worrying about anyone’s behaviour, not sharing my meal, sleeping in a bed uninterrupted….

For the first time in my life I was on my own.  For the first time I only had to worry about myself. For the first part of the year I revelled selfishly in this little mini ‘break’ from motherhood and then the glitter fell away and I found myself homesick. Tired of the hotels that all looked the same. Tired of restaurant food. Tired of getting back from a busy day to call and only find out the kids had gone to bed already.  I was waking up at night, listening. My body and brain were waiting for the normal wake up of someone crying, needing a pacifier, a diaper change and drink…

I had so much time to myself, to think about what was really going on with my life. I wanted it all; the career and being Mom. I wanted to stay home and be there when they needed me but I like feeling important to the outside world too, I like having options and a little independence.  I realized that I COULD have it all but it also meant not giving the job or my kids 100%…or even 50/50…somedays the balance changes. There would be sacrifices and disappointments. There would always be someone else to judge my decisions.

And then it was over. An injury helped make a decision I knew was coming.  I would like to say I never looked back but I did but I don’t regret that year.

I had to add this picture…it just makes me laugh:)